Foggy - The Archive Update Thread

[ship's wise man]

Okay, as Cry On Demand suggested ... we could maintain a Archive Update Thread.

[ship's wise man]

http://img357.imageshack.us/img357/5733/brza0vxgwcp1y7vxlvy7yzzpo6.jpg


Jam Weapons- left to right.
Frankenstein. RWSpecial-Stat made of random parts- R2D2 style (Robie Willard (yes, lovely Robie who builds all my guitar stuff, who i adore beyond words, who is so amazing and a damn good ship-mate and a stand up guy) built me this, BUILT me this, and gave it to me when I was having the worst week ever. I never touched another strat since. In fact it is responsible for half the new riffs (new riffs?) wha…..

PEANUT- walnut Es-355 (maybe ?) - i would cry for a year and never recover if i ever lost my Peanut. I love that guitar more than words. They must have built it stoned on a Saturday because that Washing-Machine knob shouldn’t be on that model and it gives me like, a Tony Iommi option, then a JGarcia tone via LiveDead- so badass…..and theres a lil Thurston Moore all up in there. I love Peanut so much.

ELF- that guitar is like some Yamaha freaked out way active Heritage. Neal ribs me about it because, well, it has some problems and is maybe not always you know, it’s quirky, but he just laughs and say’s “well you know, you can pull it off”…..i just think it looks all Grateful Dead old school and badass……it has some sick tone options. but a few, in that way you say sick when you mean someone is going to throw up or maybe you know, yak or cough up cat hair. I love those tones so much. I use them all the time to see if Neal will start laughing. He won’t so I am just going to keep doing whatever on that damn guitar.

[ship's wise man]

Recommended reading-

alice notley- disobedience…..lovely, just lovely stuff, this may have been when she re-loacated to france, not being french herself, maybe just wanting to know more about her own americanism and her own strong verse….it is a true whole other life inside her. I adore her as much as amy hemple for short fiction. Good stuff folks.

[ship's wise man]

well, after that dream....and before


MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT- HEART PANG……
…..and i made some yogurt and granola mix and ate that in bed, smoked some salmon (norther cali salmon) and after not even ten minutes of “The Exodus Decoded” by the same guy who made “The Lost Tomb Of Jesus” I was already planning my interstellar dream ideas.
There is a method you can try, where after a few months, of you concentrate on your dreams you can control what happens in them. I already had that anyway, but I kept seeing this person, this person walk up to me, (and i was fully deaf in the dream not half) and grab my wrist and go to say something……then i would wake up. and i missed this person. not in a “i wanna sex you up” way but in a “oh, hello how are you” kind of way.
anyway, that dream (which was a dream cycle that would not stop which happened like for 6 months) stopped recently…..and i thought “oh shit” lasy night when it happened…..
it turns out i was just hungry for a midnight snack. much easier than i thought.
today i have great news but i can’t share it yet but it’s really great news.
michael panes played some violin last night that’s as far as i can take that BUT we did mange to make it to the Spotted-Pig for late eats and what a really really nice place with equally so nice people.
Ronson took me there my first trip, as well as to the beatrice. they have the most excellent soda water and cranberry and people dance to reallt fun music in the back (i dont dance myself so i kind of made my way to the front and just sat and people watched….my hearing prob is the kind when things gets too loud it goes quiet….hoe funny right…..so i just kind of smiled and watched everyone have a good time (many of them might have been secretly looking for sexual or other-type of partners i dunno but they are all so tall esp the women there) and i just kind of watched until bed-time and walked home and talked to sebastian about Sweden. his swedish heart is so massive and so excellent. and his broken english really really charming and he is just lovely.
anyway, then i came home and made it into bed by 2 or 3. but guess i woke up for that second.
it must have been the tall girls.
tall girls, they destroy me. such fun. but they have to have internal dictionaries and a good sence of humor because i am crazy/shy/socially maladjusted… anyway i always want to talk about writers or stupid stuff like pyramids or “where did you get those fucking socks….” you know you say something like that about socks and you know, a girl about the evening might think “oh, well he doesn’t have a switchblade and a motorcycle”…….and you know, ….damn right i dont. i have a pentagram ring and bad shoes.
anyway, i am such a fan of hers, and played pool with her many many moons ago after a Phantom Planet show, but Kirsten Dunst was there and she was so nice, at a table of laughing lovable people, and SAID HELLO- like to me, like i was a stranger, in a moment across the table when i think i might have been holding the fort down while my two buddies went for drinks (they were also not drinking the alcohol, which made it very nice because conversations go south quickly when one guy is drinking and one guy is not, or enter any gender there and it equals= non-drinker exits eventually when family issues on the side of the drinker come up after two or three Blueberry Vodka Mission Beach Twisters or whatever people drink now.
i am allergic to alcohol (for real…woah…) so you know, i don’t even have it cooked into foodstuffs.
anyway, i thought that was nice. (beautiful thespian) is super nice and even though she and her friends didn’t have to say hello they did, and they asked me my name and i think (i couldn’t hear) i said Gerald from Omaha. ha. but a few giggles happened so maybe it was a good joke and I like referencing bad american long form novels.
today, i am so excited, i am making a few new things, a few additions for the art-show which is in the framing stage and that makes me happy. Framing is like choosing the plate for the food and this series (which is the first in a trilogy- (each representing mind body and spirit) is body- should be easy to frame but lot’s of loud colors everywhere and very heavy surfaces.
my next work is about spirit and called “The INVISIBLE” which are 66 paintings of god made of plastic- concrete- and once set- i am paint them- they go from almost totally white to totally dark- to be hung from one long hall side to the other, so that one might see light and dark across from each other and at the end, the event horizon, the moment of suggestion.
The show I just made is called “HOW I LOST MY FAITH” which I did. When I paint, it’s all I do until the work is done.
Much like how I wrote or finished writing the anthology type poetry book (I mean, it’s not really an anthology it’s just from the last three years; to do a complete would take a long long time, so we went for the good stuff. i wanted the book to represent the five stages of suffering, or loss, and it starts funny and ends funny but get’s damn dark in there along the way, but in a helpful way. and i like challenging authors. I like it when they push themselves for deep truth, even when it hurts some, but not hurtful verse.
And really, I just want to finish the novel I have been at since I finished the editing/re-arranging of the book. it’s called REVELATIONS (sort-of) and its a detective story about what if the end of the world (or the Revelations- New Testament Version) happened and nobody cared. Nobody but a little special guy named Leonard with Clarvoiancy anda horse named Valkyre (named after this neon green blanket I use like a sail in my bed, that I go to like a favorite sibling (i am estranged from my fam) ……..so there’s that
oh an i had a smashing time with my friend/ art-curator sebastian last night. we went to the Beatrice-Inn and I met this lovely lovely man who runs the place and her was telling me so many amazing things about that place. How it wad there since 1923 as a restaurant….etc….and
anyway, that woman, who I mean, how bad-ass, started her whole trip in the american vampire classic (besides Werewolph Meets Dracula (amazing)) had pretty eyes, but was minding her own business and being civil so don’t get all worked up if you are trolling this for gossip……the only gossip is….i beat my social anxiety last night and went out with some very smart very gentlemanly friends and I am happy to say I am making some head-way. It’s tough when you are aware of fear which makes no sense. I am over it though. I got to live. And I don’t mean I need to go on a blues-cruise for some dry humping on an Alaskan Cruise Liner.
anyway i have to go re-sing this one last song (of course not for the new album which may or may not be real)
and if you made it this far, hello stranger, did you know i really really like you and you are special….you are.
you are really special whoever you are I say do something nice for yourself today

[ship's wise man]

concert rules during Oasis tour:

hey there folks,
The Cardinals have many many suprises for you this year. stuff that even suprised our own band. Anyway, before we hit the road for some long CARDINALS shows and our OASIS shows (thank you OASIS and CO for allowing us to play a full-set and also for being as cool about out “Otherworld Landingstrip” new stage design.
It’s all coming together folks. Here’s some helpful hints at having some great gigs.
1. If you come to see us with OASIS, awesome, remember it’s their game and we’re there too, but their crowd are deep and loyal like us all are to our scene so be nice and also, you know, expect when they play for plenty of singing along- they got mad hits. (also, we prob won’t play wonderwall at an OASIS show- too weird- but i might just be saying that to be contrary (which I love)
2. At our shows, please remember, not everyone who comes knows how this all works. How Cardinals shows are about FANS first and CARDINALS second and if there are some new folks there who want to hear “come pick me up” and get weird, if it upsets you, just be polite and maybe remind them “Ryan is really deaf in one ear and heard of hearing in general so he just can’t hear you,” you know, or whatever.
3. Be kind to your neighbors. They might really have to use the men’s/women’s room- maybe you could be polite and hold their place and stuff- It’s nice when you guy’s have your own seats though. It makes me feel like we are actually like showing you guy’s a movie of a concert we are editing as we play. Also, long shows are tiring and some people are older than others or maybe they have challenges and I think it’s okay for rock to happen where people can sit,
plus we know you know they can’t tell where the weed is coming from if your’re all sitting and trust me, i can smell that stuff up there. smells like a honey cave.
anyway,
also, remember, we are going past the plateau now….musically….entering into new territory, exploring some things you may have not heard befoe…..be open to that if you can because I think a balance of old and new with an idea of staying in the moment and letting them say how they want to be played ought to be the call of the day.
We’re Cardinals so we love to follow the moment up there. tightrope style. very fun for you and for us. nobody knows what could be next.
and I’ll keep the funny stuff short on the OASIS tour because we have somewhere round an hour maybe lil plus i dunno, plenty of time for MORE ROCK- LESS TALK
but i will crack you up if i can with my shoe selection and of course, with my inability to not play goofy stuff and
well…..i guess i just feel; that old excited here it comes feeling and i wanted to pass along how excited we all are to see you again,
and there is so so much more to come than you could ever guess…..
so……the rose light is on, the clouds are out, and the fun is about to begin
please accept this years offerings.
each thing was made to help someone- which i am very proud of. down to the insanity which will be our own soon to be built CARDINAL OTHERZONE STAGE-
you will poop- srsly ha when you see of the shit we are gonna use.
nerd heaven folks.
roll em up and see you in the cave.
RMouth via Foggy

[ship's wise man]

okay, more to come, but that's too much for the moment ...

[ship's wise man]

,,,,,,,,....------

Here's an example of why it is bothersome to make art with conviction....
Wow that sucked….
…even if i wasn’t always there for people live
…even if i decided, after being a scared/ stage-fright anxiety riddled wreck for my entire twenties……
…even if,
i am in the MFC, the fucking cardinals……
we played 4 minutes over set-time. OASIS are really really sweet people, their crew, so helpful, noel was so gracious and calm- their show so awesome…….
…but i make music with my friends, and not FOR ME….i wanted to quit when i got sober.
but you know what was better than that for people I didn’t know, music-fans, or even my friends…..
it was to try TWICE as hard, care TWICE as much, TRY every day to put myself out there…..because people DO CHANGE.
and the reason you (meaning you- you with your disappointed link and your over-wrought sense of viewing a music program) would go through all that trouble to be an asshole….
that’s why i get up early every day and work my ass off.
so if only ONE KID, one fucking girl or guy who wanted to make music their life-dream, they might see someone,
someone who in their youth mistook vanity and confidence for a mask for what it really was to just be scared, and turned that around.
No one will ever come pick me up- because i am not waiting.
I am with the Cardinals now.
and that is my future.
and we play for FANS.
so, with all due respect,
i send you kindness, am sorry for your disappointment (so unexplained)….and will fucking NEVER SURRENDER to that empty nameless- hidden face of negativity in the world that used to make me become the very thing I un-learned.
There is no future Rya Adams projects. Only democratic choices made by a close group of friends playing music that feels right to them, and by all means, it is MY VOICE, and MY CHOICE to only make suggestions musical and otherwise and TRUST my instincts that what makes my band-mates happy, and what looks like doors to a future-sound- that is KIND and OPEN and NEW………
that is why i still play music.
my joy comes from seeing their smiling faces and their amazing talents shine so bright.
I am happy to know so many people are willing to walk through new doors- see into a new place, follow new and open sounds…
because where I used to write about sadness…..
I hope now to only write about weakness, and how that might be a strength, and I WILL BE HERE FOR CARDINALS FANS and my brothers in this band against every doubt, for there are millions in me ( a party i do not attend)…..
and i will never stop trying.
because that is what I saw when I was young- when people made fun of S.King (for writing too much……(really?- wow, he kind of probably wrote your favorite movie……for people who thing they can’t WRITE POETRY - (YOU CAN!!!!!!- YOU CAN DO IT)
FOR PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY CAN’T START A BAND BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID TO STAND BEFORE PEOPLE FOR THAT FRIGHT like talking in front of a class….
YOU CAN
STAND UP and BE COUNTED……and be unafraid.
we are all connected by our fears but also our dreams…..
so to you disappointed fan, I say, you must have mistaken me for someone else.
I am, at my worst, at my worst, awkward and mumbling up there to show you NOBODY HAS TO BE A ROCKSTAR TO MAKE MUSIC or WRITE or TRY HARD to CHANGE AND BE THE BEST THEY CAN BE FOR THEMSELVES AND OTHERS.
and i wish you into a place of dreams, disappointed fan, and when i close my eyes I pretend you have a face I can barely see….and you are smiling and you have found something YOU THINK represents what YOU want to hear or see.
I am everything I can be each morning, and I work on that all day.
but if you couldn’t see beauty in those guys, with me, their chosen voice- YES, chosen, because I was afraid of continuing after I got my shit together for being a bad example- a burnt page with a past…..I accepted my role in the Cardinals as a voice and as someone who submits their ideas to a greater idea that suits five of us… and the people we love who guide us through this.
so, i am sorry you were disappointed.
but, if I were you, I would get a starter guitar, a chord book, and start hammering away.
because this is my path man, and it led me to CARDINALS.
and if you think I didn’t lose so much, SO MUCH of me, of my heart, of my privacy or my deepest dreams to do this, you are so wrong.
but i like the american dream.
i worship daily in this invisible church of idea’s- and my hands are never idle-
i recommend to you the MINOR THREAT discography,
and “sunflower sutra” by A.Ginsberg.
also,
I will be there for you when you make something for others, about your heart and your dreams and your fears….I will stand in general admission and NOT LIKE A ROCK STAR I will stand there and listen to you….
and if I were unsure of where you were headed, I would wait.
because,
“a life, if counted by days, is a series, broken into multiples of still-frames
and creating space to discourage people with innocent intentions is cruel-
harmful- mean- and ugly, and opposite everything the act of art represents to me.
It is a way to pray for those of us either too far away or too close to out hearts.”
I leave you with kindness and am sorry for your feelings.
But i am true as a rod of fucking lightning now when I write or play or submit my part to this great band I was given a chance to be in.
and THAT is why I am 33, travel-worn, and almost like a fool- still plugging away looking into the fields of noise for a truth.
thank you for your honesty.
kindest respect to you and only good wishes

[ship's wise man]

panic attacks/stage fright

Panic Attacks/ Stage Fright-YUCK/gross
I suffer from terrible anxiety. I do. I think lots of people must. I did talk-therapy for a long time trying to understand it. Freudian analyst. Sweet guy. There were no clear answers and it was a long long time we visited. I just panic. Sometimes, if for a second, I think about how large even our solar system is (which is a very weird thought to have right before you play a show, or have dinner) I can’t breathe…my heart races…i start to hear more static in my left ear (it’s part of this thing happening to me sometimes….part’s of my hearing are gone now forever in my left ear, i have maybe 20 percent left- so i have to use my whole body to sing on key…which is funny, ironic and perfect- because i used to get wasted back when i was an idiot and i sang fine (maybe not as much guts as i put into it now….)
but yesterday, i could barely see, barely walk, i felt devastated by things that had nothing to do with the meaning of the universe or if a love is the key that unlocks if it means something or not. or a loss of. either way…..
i have two things to say today, and that’s all.
1. the jams save me from that anxiety- but the words of the songs, sometimes my own, destroy me- totally- and i feel like i am burning up like a ball of fire, but i probably am just crap, playing terrible- maybe singing terribly- (i have to ask the guys, and they know usually better than me if i am ok…..i wasn’t-
and the cardinals and Peanut (Peanut is my guitar- my walnut hollow bodied guitar i play a lot) saved me- if only for that hour.
2. when i get like that, i try and take the tunes deeper, mellower then crazier and i hunch, and my feet turn in and i feel, well, i feel like i am going to be eaten by a huge metallic monster with red glowing eyes that does not exist.
i like being me, but i don’t always love it.
but i always find my way back through jams. jams and donuts.
i love donuts.
i think i am so exhausted inside that i am just a pile of insides fired up in a stack out back of a country house
alit like dinner meat steaks
but like everything………….
even the sadness and the panic
breaks.
as long as it does before me- i never mind this ride of sometimes so funny, sometimes so sad, so sad, endless endless confused pain and joy.
if i were an amp, today i would turn it off. so it would be louder tomorrow.
tomorrow.
what is that anymore.
all i see is oceandark
and no stars/
static-
then
“……………………………….” and a framed missing piece.
this is what an everything is today in the nothing. so, me-
today i will rest
and turn myself
round into a cloud
and drift
on a motionless couch
in
one more fucking hotel
for the love of the cave
plus unknowable future sounds.

[ship's wise man]

Oasis are the nicest people ...

OASIS are the nicest people...plus amazing.
i have to say that i just have never been treated with such respect by any band before including their crew. and this is OASIS folks. they don’t have to be this way. they wrote the rock’n’roll year-book of my youth and my middle years. wow. they are so nice about letting you watch from the control booth, or side stage, or even how the super friendly way cool two guys, like the wizard in the wizard of oz, behind the stage controlling those massive badass lazer screens (“Champagne SuperNova”- my god those effects- and the BLADE RUNNER LIGHT SHOW LIGHT RIG SPIDER ARMS- wow….fuck…)…..or how sometimes i am playing and i look over and OASIS are watching us. man, that is fucking something. they watch neal though- marsha marsha marsha…just jkng (but not cmon i play guitar too- i just dont know what im doing- so what…..)
I was looking for a seat at lunch the other day and there was a space open next to Gem and Andy and Noel. It was crowded at catering and I saw a space open at their table. sounds like high school cafeteria right? So I sat and had the most pleasant lunch with them.
Noel and I talked about gear, but he asks me stuff, so do the other guys like “how did you guys do that thing that sounded like a robot dying- or whats the song with that three part just singing bit”….CAN U IMAGINE???? how cool…..
Noel had an interview and excused himself from the table after a bit, total gentleman, and Ian came round. He had been out for a walk and had a fascinating story about all the weddings he had seen. He’s very personalable and engaging to everyone. and very funny. they both are, that suttle english humor, which i love so much, about english culture- that sluggish grey tough - tomorrow-will-be-better- type shrug off one liners. they’re the stuff of dylan thomas and a thousand great poets before them. total culture imbedding. love it.
The funny thing is- they are OASIS and they “ASK” people questions….me, others, how they are- what is new, and aren’t kind of pretending to be interested- i see them interact with their crew, with local crew and others- and they are so generous.
It means the world to me to be on this tour and I am learning so much.
I really like to watch from front of house so I try and change clothes and fit in and just hang back, some people get weird with me, usually if they have been drinking alcohol or something maybe they can get weird.
And I see all those beautiful girls out there too. Wow. I wish I were a scumbag then maybe it would be cool to go out hunting for some suck-face. But I am not like that. I live my dreams through the girls I love, and you just don’t meet them often.
besides- I am dating jam’s. (btw- Jambase/Relix- “Jams” means “songs” i learned that from thurston interviews- i liked how he called them jams. I love that band so much. Sonic Youth. my god. its why i am out here right now- because of how much i liked all that good music.
so I am dating my bunk and my comics. which is cool.
ill get some suck-face for i turn into bones.
anyway- i was depressed before tour- and this tour- and OASIS and my friends, and all this- i just feel better.
I play guitar- you know- and just write stuff and read and make art and STAY BUSY- like my grabndmothers rosebushes ( my Lord- she loves them- they’re seeded wild so they grow all year- “i like to keep busy- keeps me young” she say’s-
my rosebushes are typewriters- tours- drawing- making hotel rock/ vids- gettin mad crushes ( i had the feist crust i admit it- who didn’t right…)
I like to keep it simple and really I know no matter how amazing someone is, you can’y get to know them in a night, esp in a few words over the blasting of that amazing band on stage- so it sucks some when i am just finished my set and want to be in the audience. i am no celebrity. just ryan.
OASIS bring the tone man. TONE not volume. TONE. and that is what matters really….because all the new songs, to me, are pointing in this GOLDEN ERA man, this beautiful zone….and when the hits roll….my fucking arms are in the air with everybody else- and u know em- riff comes- crowd explodes- my eyes water…..
AND YOU CANT HELP BUT SING ALONG- THESE ARE OUR GENERATIONS ANTHEMS- they are OUR Beatles.
I never cared much for the Beatles really( i know- i know- it just was already out there so hard when i got into recods i wanted Husker Du singles and shit)- which is odd, because Oasis were MY Beatles- and I guess my Rolling Stones were The Smiths, with Morrissey as Oscar Wilde but wounded and Johnny Marr making girl group chords sound like they were from some war torn era in an english novel or other dimension….(AND OF COURSE- I see the Rolling Stones when I can….) so they’re themselves too.
but OASIS kind of write songs for HERE. for, you know, the moment. very zen.
I always thought the stones would mellow into creepiness-blues-country-rock-hybrids- the same flow that gimme-shelter came from …….i wish the Stones could go see OASIS- like as a whole band- like pal’s and stand side stage- and look at all that- all that new and old- all working forward……wise men tell new tales because they keep looking…..
still,
OASIS have taught me this since I have been out here with my friends and our lovely crew.
1. Play the HITS. not ALL of them, but give those people their ticket promise…even if you have a lot of records- hit at least three bases ( like in american baseball) and make the last song a slide into Home-Base (even if it is a live favorite)
Encores should be footnotes. the SET should be mind-blowing.
2. Don’t get scared- get connected. (LIAM stares into the masses- he embraces it like a yogi- like a wrestler- like a mythological hero. I love watching him sing so hard- give so much- he makes his own self mad and comments, in a quip to himself in the parts where he doesn’t sing- and he SONGS SO HARD HE FALLS AWAY from the MIC.
3. trust your band- even if your voice is failing or the concert is going crap- just trust always that someone to sing for is right there. My REAL brother does not mind if i say this, but Noel and Liam are REAL brothers, and mine are the CARDINALS.
4. Brad is funny as fuck and needs some upgrades on his computer-
so we are going for a walk.
like liam. liam telling me about taking a walk- then seeing him and his brother and two TWO hero’s of mine, gem and andy and their AMAZING new drummer chris- tear it down as that sweet laid back guy i had some lunch with- stood there as “What’s the Story Morning Glory” ripped into my chest on EVERY night-
it’s nice to just get out.
it’s nice to finally be mellowing-
i guess i just needed a reminder of what i do and who i am- and how all of that comes with learning and listening-
what an honor. CARDINALS will take so much from learning how to fuse an hour set. It can only open door to more tunes when it’s back to our TWO SET rule.
see you soon cave-dwellers. peace and love to you

[ship's wise man]

stuff removed ...

tumblr/ blogstuffs removed.etc.

what with an eventual and ever-looming release date for this book thing i wrote which i am very proud of and also is hard to read myself (editing- and re-writing it manually nearly destroyed me- i mean- completely, and i mean that in a good way- i needed that) and this record, this glowing futuredream so so inspiring and also, gut wrenching at times to make, for it’s content, all i want to say is,

the work will speak for itself and maybe it will say good things to you or maybe it won’t but the intentions were purely to share a life, part of one anyway, in that old fashioned way of communicating the small things in life with strangers- either listening on their headphones on their own time, or maybe thumbing through the pages of a thing on a subway, or in a field under a tree. boy i did that once when i read The Shield of Achilles by W H Auden. that was a good day. that was a me day and i need those. more and more really. i keep perfectly good company, AND, like the school of thought and music that i came from- that strange over-excited “let’s try it all” kind of american idealism i saw in punk/hard-core music and amazing artists who lived amazing lives and pushed themselves and lived to tell the tales. louise bourgeois/ tracey emin/ fugazi/william carlos williams- these people have been inspiring me forever. and Bob Mould too. and Henry Rollins and well…..the list goes on….but i like the never-ending-stories- i like people with the guts to tell them, however slight. doubt can be beautiful.

so i took down the videos because there are even better versions, higher quality, more than you think, and because i think i would like them to belong in one place.

and i think also i don’t want to share anymore about my feelings here.

those are mine and i give plenty of that away.

and

i don’t need anymore dreams, and i am not looking for anything from anybody anymore and not inside either. i did the work.

but if i am the work, than i also can walk away as i like to.

everything has a place and in that place if there is someone there and nothing but void, and gesture is a gift,

and i meant my things in here as gifts and you know, simple dialog.

but i should never have re-read anything in here ever.

it serves the band and our music well and for that i am happy.

for myself,

i could honestly care really. i want nothing.

so, you can see my dumb movies and lonely person rap and punk music projects soon in a place on our website in a listening/viewing room being made called JUNK ROOM where i will, if i feel like it, drop my multi-media sketches.

that way no body misunderstand things because of their timing.

and so i can do my part in the cardinals and get on with being constantly excited just to be doing anything, something, new with my time.

but i don’t date,

i don’t care about the smart-ass re-blog stuff

and i will delete this entire thing before i let it affect my friends in the band.

so, in saying that,

the cardinals are an amazing band to play in and we will continue to kick ass everywhere possible and share some funny stuff with you along the ride because i think community is possible what with all those songs, our ever-growing strength as a band to tour and never play the same set-list and be funny and human.

i started foggy because i was lonely.

fuck that shit.

i don’t care anymore if i am or not.

so i give foggy to the cardinals and that, as they say, is that.

goodnight.

p.s. i don’t have an alternate tumblr or vimeo either.

i’m just tired now.

which, by the way, is a thrill, because

as henry miller said,

“once you have given up the ghost, chaos follws, even in the midst of dead certainty”

and i don’t believe him anymore than i believe myself when i think i know something is real and worth it.

i’d rather be a stone that held up a building.

and i don’t have any more ghosts to answer to.

so respectfully,

i will post my band stuff.

sometime, maybe.

but i’d really rather just be making than talking or explaining and frankly,

autumn has come early for me and i liked it in the house behind the words better than all that seeding that ground.

so fuck the harvest.

i have enough candles to last me a lifetime of the dreams of people that already passed, and my parts to add.

nite.

[ship's wise man]

sometimes ...

sometimes
when a felled tree happens in the form of a man
made of himself
ONLY
and
enters into the domain or the lair of the queen,
it seems like a happening
and
it’s ripe as a peach riddled dream
BUT
you have to want to talk
you have to want to kiss
not him
not him too
but him/me
you
do you know a difference
no
my approval rating is genuine and top
because when i see a thing which can
be made, i go for tools,
and do not stop
it’s called respect or maybe dedication
just to me
not even art
because
if you are born with something good or bad in thought
it owes you and you owe it and for a thing to begin
a person has to be willing to start
and
stop fucking around
but
that is just not on the menu
at
the idiot diner
where
they serve you before the waiting line
of us
us dreamers
who know the camera is an eye
and to shut it
all you have to do is mean a thing so hard
the mask
drops and cracks
and
the metal shards reflect a sun
and a menacing sky
because
love
is
not
fucking
easy
but you’ll get fed
and first
but the story my foolish friend
is in the fucking dirty
trash canned street
every morning
and
me
i am the trash too
so
while you are butterfly collecting
be sure and stick a pin in
that new one
for me
because we both know
you can’t pin down a
man
if he is his ideas
and
the ocean above a bed represents change
and
well, that comes from within
i miss the world when it was equal
and riddled with sadness anger joy
reward and distraction
fireworks
and
thought patterns like flight maps
cross clouds dimmed
by actual folds
for
every good deed or letter i wrote
i got a nothing
inside
a
blank stare and a head cold
and i don’t know what is worse
watching someone lost in the woods
pretending each new step away from
a line is a sign
or
standing there on the path, with a good set of feet
shoes to match
waiting for the chicken to grow up
the egg to crack
and
for you to hatch
because
and you won’t like this
you can’t roll down this one
this one
takes
hard
fucking
work
and
truth
and i guess some of us like the lie
so
into the woods with you
something is shining
just beyond
the pass

[ship's wise man]

genius artists ...

“artists” are nice but i prefer genius artists.
you know, the real deal. i love strong willed women with actual opinions about art, philosophy, the basic idea’s about why we are here and wtf all this is.
when you take the world to heart, fully, how could one not be mystified?
all the artists i know, and when i say artist i mean, they actually MAKE their work themselves, have idea’s- do the work- they don’t sleep when they can dream out loud. if nothing else, art is sometimes just writing down the questions, the big one’s
and making small idea’s as though they might be little equations that eventually add up to a solution.
but, non artists, who dabble in that world, boy do they ever get crushed like a bug. it’s not for lack of intent. it’s for lack of determination.
punk rock, in essence, saved my life and taught me- ANYBODY can do it, but it takes some balls to fucking do it with heart, with meaning, and fuck em’ if they miss the big idea’s at play.
we are not all in tune with those things all the time, and not always in tune with each other- but THAT is called dialog. sitting in a corner with a box of crayons is called “being a handbag.”
I am not a fucking handbag. I guess I am a jerk because I actually have opinions about the world I live in, explore it fully, and think that courting fame is bullshit. it’s a thing you either have or don’t.
I have found though, that the work, if you mean it, and even if they don’t like or understand it, is the wall.
that is the wall that separates the YOU from the THEM- and by THEM i mean the camera people, the bullshit, the distractions, the doubt………………….
and it is immature sure to say this, but championing grown men trying to kill each other for money, is disgusting. NOT ART. NOT FUCKING MAKING ART. NOT THOUGHTFUL. in fact, it is awful. fucking awful.
i boxed when i was a kid. first thing i learned was, you never have to swing if you step back and let them tire themselves out. And if you must, when you ball your fist, imagine inside it was you. So that you could understand what it meant to be a part of someone else’s pain.
most people don’t take responsibility for causing that kind of pain. they just MOVE ON- move right through to the next contestant- fighting problems with new one’s, hiding loneliness with using others.
that fight is so big it takes an entire planet to fit it in.
how awful to minimize humanity in such violent horrid gestures to only play victim.
love, as i have found, is not grounds always for like. like takes dialog and work.
but you know, i have stared blankly back at shining eyes before and seen heaven inside the forevershine of a woman’s eyes.
still, with only 1 percent of what people throw away, i’d find love in that.
because people are so funny and interesting and so afraid of just being unafraid of expressing themselves.
i was getting there.
i listened to some records i grew up with last night and they reminded me of who i am.
and i don’t have any issues with expressing my opinions. i have nothing to hide. i am exactly what i am and who i want to be.
and i would say, i do the work.
how immature- to keep the wonder of newness in your heart- the same wonder i see in the aged. it is their close proximity to the gates of this kingdom of life that draws their eyes so wide.
they see that the world is not a fake smile and a shopping bag. it is a fire or hearts and souls colliding-
of shadows and light
and
possibility.
draw that. write that. but choose your enemy wisely. no matter what you think, there is only one enemy and it is internal and manifests itself in the championing of watching others shred each other apart.
this is what happens- sometimes it is more fun to watch people punch each other in the face in a ring for money than to hold a hand of a lover- or use it to match the black and white lines of a gift that could ring for a lifetime.
instead. insults, accusations, betrayal……this is bullshit.
i am complete. and that was all that was wrong.
i could actually back my shit up. even in the face of bitter company.
a fake smile is a scream.
a scream is a canyon
i am only an echo
never had any problems with subjective fame associated with modern classic artists. they know, like, big words and stuff. it’s crazy.
but artists produce work.
what that other stuff is called is “drawin’ something” and “shopping” even if it is for songs. trust me. i know. i refused.
if you can actually have a conversation that includes at least three high ranking scrabble points,
i will kindly hand you my hat.
but for now,
it is on my head-
and my mind is on fire.
it feels…….well,
amaaaazzzzzing.

[ship's wise man]

i see the source ...

i see the source
it carries itself
across rivers
inside it, stacks
books, binders
lines inside lines
and
everything finds
it’s way out
in the emptiness
of a loner
but
if there were sections of words
which could produce a color
yours would be a blinding one
burnt up harsh
like
one useless fucking summer
i might have sat
like i do
at the foot of my bed
alone
knowing
you
you were the one with fingers
that could hold
not just a single life in check
but
my imagination
forever
which nothing ever has
before that wreck
which,
and excuse the mess,
felt like a dessert food fight
for no good reason
and
to turn back to you
to turn back
it is an act of faith
and
even a heart when it speaks
to the wrong beat
if it is true
it can sense it’s way home
and
it’s future
can correct
what was never missing
and inside that
inside
i know
so
alone i am but never
and
never without a truth
if
a truth is love

[bookstore]

SILVER LINE/NO CLOUD

no mask
quiet loud
arms fall
side by side
then
silence
then
into dream
i go
upwards
inside
and
perfectly bound
like
i was a chosen thing
to be a chosen thing
is
also love
but
activated
and
like a storm
i get to be
floating by and through
and
maybe
that means a me
and
maybe means a
maybe you
but for now
just
this
a silver line
and
so much direction
from
silent guides
my heart
is still
i keep it
it is mine
and
we are now kites
built out of glides
and
i can't wait to fall asleep again
and again
this time
wow

posted last night, deleted already

[kyuss]

Sept
13th
Sat

hi

not posting in here anymore. but i still like you foggy.

i am upset.

who cares.



Here are our 2 favorite hosts of “Cutlery Corner”… Tom O’Dell and Sheila Travis. We LOVE the knife show and we sit there transfixed, late at night on the bus watching them correct the spelling of WEDNESDAY… not once but 3 times!

Here’s youtube link of a mishap on the show from a while back. Tom steps in at the end to request “right now… we may need emergency surgery… in the studio”. Enjoy! JG

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWLYxlqc3gQ

here’s a link with Tom and Sheila:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzXMFhuUyl8&feature=related

here’s an early pre-knife show clip with Tom looking rather stout:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAr43TrjWx8&feature=related

and one more:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TS45NGYBqUw&feature=related

[kyuss]

...........Foggy's gone!!!

[momo_adachi]

I know! I hate when they stop blogging :(

[Cry On Demand]

Ill repost this here...

Last post from R:

K.O. Computer (goodnight internet)
Foggy,
I am so fucking alone. I hate this. And me, with my one thousand distractions, what do they mean. They mean I am alone. Lonely. Insufferable to even myself. It feels awful. But I know who I am and what I am and what I like. And I dislike even thinking about things I dislike for I like things so much I feel like the weight of my own fucking nagging inspiration sometimes feel more like madness. And this is just a place to dump that. What kind of a life is that. And this, this makes it worse. panic attacks, insomnia, needless worry. I can’t handle this machine. Nor can I handle my own heart, it’s dimensions, and what ideas it leads me to. They all dead end. So I am breaking up with the internet. Like Cable before it. Like….well like everything that is not work. Because at least in the work I can disappear and at least feel like something, if only for that moment. I am so serious I bought a ring for myself that I would wear to remember to not ever ever come into this place, where if you are like me, and beyond BEYOND alone not matter how much company or how little, then you would know that this is just a sad relationship. sad. why why do i follow that notion always. it never rains enough in any movie or on any perfect night. when you just say “fuck this” and you give up. give up without walking away. i love the band i am in and music and reading and work and writing and even painting. this is enough. i will learn to take my stupid rat faced romantic guts and remember, i am alone because i chose to be, chose, when it was too late anyway. and i will love. i am taking my computer (foggy) after this posts and fucking smashing it into a thousand pieces for a day never suffered again, telling the world what it should know by now. that i am not ok. and i accept this now. i accept and i quit. i give up. nothing is sadder than a grown man who only lives to dream, then having to listen to him talk about it. that is how i imagine it. and i have enough of that to last a lifetime and i don’t care anymore i am happy and will be grateful to grow old next to a stack of comic books. forever. I hate this computer and must go now. Be smart- Be funny- Make noise- Dream Hard- BE YOURSELF and fuck em if they can’t see the joke.
R

[ship's wise man]

man, I hope he's not really quitting it. but that sounds so serious ...
and also sad to see that the WHOLE BAND BLOG is gone just because Ryan wants to stay away from the internet. :(

[bookstore]

man, I hope he's not really quitting it. but that sounds so serious ...
and also sad to see that the WHOLE BAND BLOG is gone just because Ryan wants to stay away from the internet. :(
it's not like they can't start their own respective blogs though.
i just don't think the others were so much into it as ryan, maybe graboff. i can definitely see graboff starting his own blog.

[momo_adachi]

What's weird about Ryan is that he spends all summer (and in previous bouts of blogging) talking about how much he loves Foggy and how much blogging has helped him through all the shit he deals with - and then for him to suddenly realize that he hates the internet with such an adament passion is so bomb-dropping. I missed that post when it was on the blog. It's sad. It's like Ryan needs to be working and if he's not he has kind of a micro-breakdown.

[ship's wise man]

i just don't think the others were so much into it as ryan, maybe graboff. i can definitely see graboff starting his own blog.

yes man, that would be a cool thing. his site is very good too, especially his picture section. but unfortunately not often enough updated.

[kyuss]

Foggy's back! :D

"Hello,
world."

WELCOME TO THE CARDINAL CAVE.......
where members of American Rock Band (CARDINALS) keep you in the loop of what it is like to be in an american rock band.
Neal Casal
Brad Pemberton
Jon Graboff
Chris Feinstein
* (ryan adams no longer posts here as he broke-up with the internet and his computer)

[ship's wise man]

I think this is of some importance because it is the first long post since his absence and he writes about the Cardinals as a FREE BAND.

hey all
so today we celebrate the release of our first single.

first of all, i am sorry my name is listed “and The Cardinals”. I tried everything and it was not accepted.

that being said we worked equally and in a world of compromise, we worked together, all us Cardinals on what is my favorite record I have ever made, or been a part of.

Jons voice, Neals voice, SWolfs and Brads are all there-

and it was a rough and tumble fun two weeks live on the floor.

we barely spit polished the rims

we were already engine-revved from touring.

so with love and madness

CARDINOLOGY is to be researched this year.

I am not doing anything solo for awhile as I kinda want to start a band with my new friend, but she is a better guitar soloist than I (like if Greg Ginn made you feel funny in your jeans) YAY

PS- had to make the SChunk thing a tease. its not time. but something SOMETHING is going on over there at merge.

also,

today i signed a piece of paper which says CARDINALS ARE FREE TO BE CARDINALS!!!!

rejoice

the day does change and tomorrow does come.

p.s. i dont blog here.

p.s. i got married to happiness and music.

it was low key affair.

music wore a chord-aroy dress

happiness just smiled.

SEE YOU IN THE PIT MADE OF PILLOWS AND SPARKLING STAR EMBERS>

xx

R

[sunnnny]

free, meaning they're not with Lost Highway anymore?

[magnoliamountain]

free, meaning they're not with Lost Highway anymore?

That's the message I got:

with CARDINOLOGY, our last album with the fine establishment of Lost Highway Records, set out to use that last dance, as a first dance of sorts, for our own music and our own sound

[ship's wise man]

taattoos ...

just figured out how to make the stereo play my ipod. DANZIG self titled currently rocking my fucking mind to pieces. ah, full moon too. i may go get the rose on my right wrist. i’m fucking on the verge- i wanna get the cardinology ascending as a total wrap round my right elbow. right where it fucking just smarts like hell. maybe tonight is the night. either way, right arm- here it comes dude ( like my right arm knows what i am saying…..sheesh i am bored, ha

[sunnnny]

that's weird coz all of his tattoos have been on his left arm. i guess he's used up all the space and needs to go to the right now lol

[ship's wise man]

SONGLIST- (subject to change -obv.)
WORK LIST-

(note- most of the lyrics are done now and there are new bridges and verses so it’s cool you guy’s got to see the skeleton’s this time again. I think this is good for everyone and hopefully inspiring to anyone who thinks I know what I’m doing ( I don’t )

1. The Luxury of Lies


2. Could we be Happy?

3. Fire-Fly

4. So Quiet, It’s Loud

5. GoodbyeSunshine

6. Universe Size Arms

7. Dear Impossible

8. Mirror-Gold

9. Please, Hold On

10. Our Soul’s

11. Ok I Surrender

12. T.V. Static

13. Wild & Hopeless

14. Lost in Space

15. Don’t Back Down


The (very cool) Don't Back Down by DJ Reggie?!

[Luminol mk2]

wheres foggy gone? :(

[ship's wise man]

I miss it too ...

[LucyLost]

Foggy disappeared a few days ago. He/it(?) usually comes back. Soon, I hope.

[ship's wise man]

and well, the Cardinal Cave seems to be now Jon's personal blog ... ;)
btw, I think Jon wears these f**king yellow shoes since 2 or 3 years. :D